paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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