my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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