I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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