You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize