We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
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diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
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Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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