He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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