We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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