Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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