he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
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Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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