You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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