So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize