Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize