hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
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I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
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then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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