that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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