You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
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You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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