Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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