i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize