It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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