I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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