Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish you could order shots online.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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