Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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