And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm passing your future prison.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
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could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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