Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize