its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize