Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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