giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize