I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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