Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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