Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize