i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize