Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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