Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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