come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
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Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
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There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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