Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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