Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize