you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
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oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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