What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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