I skipped work to stalk him.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize