I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize