just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize