so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize