I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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