I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My liver just broke up with me...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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