When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the curious george of whores
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize