life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
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I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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