Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize