I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize