ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize