You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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