I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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